The Struggle

For about 99.9% of my life, it has always just been my mom,younger sister and I. We always had the support of my grandparents as they helped us financially while they lived with us. We managed to make it on our own until recently. Its been about two years since my grandparents moved out and unfortunately towards the end of last year, my mom began to go through some medical procedures because she was ill. We managed to get through because I was helping helping her with the little I was able to provide from my financial aid. We were struggling so much with our finances but my mom always told me to just focus on my studies. I tried my hardest to do well in school but seeing my mom worry would put so much pressure on me. I wanted to do more in order to help my mom. She was having a hard time to pay for our rent, utility bills, food expenses, along with my younger sisters high school expenses. We all know that the four years of high school are not all that cheap.

Anyways, As my mom underwent medical procedure, she had to pay for those expenses as well, and obviously medical expenses are not all that great either. I began to notice that my mom was struggling more and more so I decided to go against her command and apply for a job. I got a job as a sales person at a cutlery company. It was going well but I wasn’t really getting paid much and the atmosphere wasn’t all that great at the end. I wanted to quit but decided to stay until I was able to find another job. I was trying my best but then at the beginning of this year, the doctors told my mom she had to undergo surgery and here is where everything got complicated. I had to quit my job just as the spring semester began. I was at the hospital with my mom every single day and night as my aunt and uncle watched over my sister. I literally would stay the night at the hospital, wake-up to go to school and back to the hospital. I was desperate looking for a job because I knew things were just going to get worse but at the time, my moms care was my main priority.

After a week, my mom was discharged from the hospital I thankfully got hired as an office assistant/secretary at a company called Air Clean Environmental. I was so happy because up till this day, I have been able to take some pressure off of of my mom. I help her pay all the utility bills and most of my sisters expenses so she just has to pay rent. The only thing now was that I had to go to work and school at the same time. I have never done this in my life before so I really don’t know how to manage both. I felt like i would be able to handle it because so many people make it seem so easy but it really isn’t. I have never felt so stressed before. I’m able to help out my mom financially and were doing great, but now I’m struggling to keep my grades up. I feel like I’m getting better at it little by little. I guess this is what they call growing up haha. We all struggle in different ways, but what I’ve been learning so far is that patience, hard work, and the want for something really helps a lot when you put the effort in.

I want to wish all the student/workers good luck in everything and I hope you guys push through!!

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Confidence in my Hobby.

Confidence. Some people have it and others don’t. I happen to be one of those that lacks a lot of it. I lack the confidence in how I see myself, how I communicate with others and in my hobby as well. I love photography, I feel like my mom has a lot to do with that. When she was in college, she took photo classes and was always photographing my sister and I since I could remember. I never saw myself and someone that would love photography; however, I took a film photography class my junior year of high school four years ago. I instantly fell in love with it. I loved the entire process from loading the film into the camera, taking the pictures, developing the film and finally going into the darkroom to put you image on paper. It was so relaxing to me and I found it to be my form of meditation as it would help keep my mind off of things.

I remember taking my camera with me everywhere and always being in the darkroom when I had time. Even during my lunch. I never thought my photography to be good, but I remember one day during my senior year of high school, I was in my Econ class when my teacher came up to me and asked me to sell him my picture that I had just finished working on in my class. I had it on my desk and i remember looking at it and wondering why on earth he would want it. I didn’t see anything special about it. He saw that I hesitated so he told me to think about it. Right after my class ended, I rushed over to my photo class and ran to my teacher for help. I asked him to help me set a price and he told me to sell it for twenty dollars since it was my first one. Even then, I thought that was too much money for my work. Nevertheless, I went back to my Econ teacher and sold my picture to him for that price.

I continued my senior year in photography and had my fun with it. Towards the end of the year, a classmate of mine came up to me and asked me if I could be her photographer for her quinceañera because she really liked my photos. I was taken back by her request but I told her I would think about it because I had never done anything like this before. After a few days of thinking, I politely rejected her request because I didn’t think I could do it. I didn’t find my work fit enough for me to take pictures at a major event of someone’s life. As time went by, more and more people asked me to be their photographer for thinks like maternity pictures, weddings and baby showers. Unfortunately, I have not been able to gain the confidence to actually do any of these events because I just don’t think my work is good enough. I always talk myself out of it and never actually gain the confidence to put my hobby to work. I’ve continued to take classes through college but I could never seen to find the push that I need. Hopefully someday I’ll be courageous enough to take up an event as a photographer!

Here are some of my digital photos that I’ve taken for my classes and just for fun:)

Something out of the Ordinary

Korean music. It’s all over the place now. It’s a bit weird for me to be saying this because I used to be so embarrassed to admit it, but I love listening to Korean music, especially kpop. I don’t know why I used to be so embarrassed before. Perhaps it was the fact that when I first began to listen to it (which was in middle school eight years ago) everyone would tell me that I was weird. They would call me weird because they thought it was stupid that I would listen to their music and I didn’t understand anything. They thought I was weird because it was simply something out of the ordinary. Especially in a tiny Hispanic populated town.

I found myself interested in Korean music for many reasons. First of all, the music was so catchy you would want to start dancing anywhere at anytime. But the main reason was because I found myself trying to learn new languages and Korean was one of them. All my foreign friends would tell me that the best way to learn a language was to listen to their music, watch their movies and shows, and simply learn about the culture and history. So I tried to do just that.

I began my music exploration with kpop. It all started for me with a group named SHINee. SHINee is a group that consists of five members who’s names are Onew, Minho, Jonghyun, Key, and Taemin. Well they’re four now, but that’s an entire different topic for another post. Moreover, I fell in love with this group and I remember playing their music so loud in my room and in the shower. I used to live across from a park that I would meet up with my friends at every afternoon. I remember always walking out of my house and towards my friends and as soon as I reached them, they would start making fun of me because they heard my “asian music.” They were not the only ones to make comments like these. My other friends would tell me that I “thought I was asian” and every time we had a hang out, people would play their music but they never allowed me to play my music because “all I ever listened to was asian music.” This made me feel so out of place. I didn’t understand why it was so bad for me to listen to foreign music.

I began to hide the fact that I listened to Korean music so I wouldn’t be made fun of. However, I began to discover new groups like my all time favorite BigBang (who happen to be the best in the game), super junior, and 2ne1. I was motivated even more to try and learn Korean so I would be able to understand what they spoke about. I began studying their words and characters with my younger sister and now I understand some of the words here and there. However, little by little I stopped telling people I listened to kpop just so I wouldn’t be made fun of. And to the day, sometimes I’m a little hesitant.

Nevertheless , these days I am so happy to see that something that was completely out of the ordinary when I was in middle school, has become such a huge world phenomenon. I have to sayWell, I’m not that happy because ticket prices are obviously going to rise, but nonetheless, I’m happy. I have thankfully been able to see some of my favorites in concert before ticket prices skyrocket. Through kpop, I have met so many new people that I keep in touch with and learn from. Not only have they helped me learn a little more of the culture and language, but they have also helped me learn that it doesn’t matter what people think about what I do. Especially what I listen to. I have learned to push that aside and listen to anything I want freely. I have learned not to be embarrassed and always continue to do what I like even when it’s out of the ordinary.

Source: https://goo.gl/images/G78yHj

Potty training my new puppy

Source:https://goo.gl/images/hTvvRX

All my life I have had dogs. From the moments I was in a stroller, until my first year of college. The only thing is, I had never taken care of any of them when they were puppies. There was always someone else basically raising them. All of that changed for me last Saturday, the 3rd of March.
My mom had wanted a puppy for a very long time and I finally was able to get one. It’s definitely more my puppy than anyone else’s because I paid for it, along with all its needs. Any way, I was so excited to get home with our new German Shepherd puppy who we named Attikus. He’s such an adorable fluff ball and is very playful and loves to cuddle. It was so exciting and fun the first day when I showered him and bought him his collar and leash. The excitement of times like these are always hard to get rid of. It was all fun until the night came.
I placed a training pad in the kitchen before I fell deeply asleep. I was so comfy, when I heard Attikus crying around 1am. I immediately woke up to check that he was ok, just to see him peeing on our kitchen tile. I scolded him and cleaned it up, showing him where that training pad is at, in hopes that he would understand. I went back to sleep just to be woken up again by his crying at 3am later that morning. I rushed to make sure he’s not peeing on the tile only to see that he had peed on the training pad, but pooped on the tile. I was so sleepy and frustrated but kept in mind that this potty training process requires so much patience. So I obviously scolded him again and cleaned the mess up.
On the third and final time, I was awaken at 6am by his crying again l, only to see him walk towards the door. I ran barefooted with no sweater to open the door and escort him out in the freezing cold. Attikus then walked onto the grass and peed immediately, smelling around right after to poop. I felt so relieved and happy knowing that he finally understood the concept, I almost cried. He too, looked happy seeing that he wasn’t scolded anymore, but cheered on for doing a good job.
It’s safe to say that Attikus is now potty trained because he lets us know every time he needs to go out to do his business. However, he wakes me up at least four times in the middle of the night to let him out. I should be happy he’s waking me up instead of making a mess in the house, but I’m lacking so much sleep. I guess it will all be worth it in the long run when I reminisce back to the days where he was new to our family and I had to run out barefooted onto the frosty grass, just so he wouldn’t pee inside.

10 Facts About Me.

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Source: https://goo.gl/images/MfdCpy
  1. I am a twenty year old Mexican American. Yes I speak Spanish. I am starting with this because for some reason, no one ever believes me when they ask for my ethnicity or somehow expect me to not understand Spanish. I’m constantly asked by people from other ethnicities, or people from my own race. And i’m always asked to somehow prove it.

  2. I tend to be a really shy person. This is at all times and most of the time, I will not speak unless I really have too. I just have a hard time talking to others that I’m not used to.

  3. I am majoring in Linguistics because I love the thought of being able to understand how words are formed and defined.

  4. I want to learn as many languages as I possibly can, including American Sign Language.

  5. I want to become a translator and hopefully work in courts, the US Embassy or anywhere I could help others communicate.

  6. I really love photography. I prefer film photography because I love going through the entire process of developing the film and printing it on paper.

  7. I really love listening to all kinds of music, except country. I listen to more music from the Sixties through the Nineties than I do with modern music. I also listen to a lot of foreign music because it is said that it’s one of the best ways to learn a new language.

  8. I love attending concerts and experiencing the music live so I try to attend at least one event every month.

  9. I try to attend various protests or marches for things I believe in and I completely blame my grandma for it because since I was little, she always had me with her during protests and walkouts, helping her hold her signs. I follow March and Rally Los Angeles to stay updated with what is going on politically and socially all around the US and know when there will be protests against social injustice.

  10. I love traveling to new places. Whether it is traveling to new cities here in California that I have never been to, or to new cities outside of the country. I love learning about the new places and trying to live like the everyday life for the short amount of time that I’m there. I really hope to be able to travel a lot more in the future while being able to continue my career.